Sunday, February 8, 2009

A day when one can learn- and gain a testimony one didnt know one needed. :)

Many may know of my recent turn of health. just a recap. I have a heart murmur. Dont freak out too much, its just slight, and its only present when i lie down. I dont know how long i've had it. Apparently its faint enough that it could have been missed in earlier exams and tests. anyway, upon further examination, it was found that my left ventricle (the chamber of the heart that pumps blood to the rest of the body) only pumps about half as hard as it should... this makes the pressure going from my right ventricle (the chamber that pumps blood to the lungs) very high- which makes my tricuspid valve (the one between the right atrium and ventricle) leak. This raises some concern for me as i have to pass some strenuous medical tests to obtain a visa to live in australia during my mission there. So, i have been put on a medicine that is supposed to at least keep it from getting worse. Anyway, on to the important part of this entry. last sunday, being fast sunday, My mom asked me if it was ok if she asked our whole extended family to join us in a fast for me and for the doctors who would and will be evaluating me. Some of my friends also joined in the fast. Now let me give you some history of my fasting. I have always fasted when it was expected. a few times when i was younger i got out of it by feigning sickness... but besides that i have always been a part of the fast. However, i rarely have had much to fast for... or so i thought... more accurately, i just rarely actually made it a point to fast with a purpose, thus simply going hungery. and making a point of letting everyone know it. Needless to say, i hadn't grasped the real value of fasting. That all changed last week. I learned that it isn't about going hungery. it isn't about starving yourself. Its about unity. Its about love. Last sunday. roughly 30 people were joined in a common cause, Fasting on my befalf- I cannot express the feelings i felt that day. Never once did i feel the normal hunger pangs. never did i have thr thought pop into my head, "wow i really wish church would go faster so i can go home and eat," never was there any negative side effects of the fast. This was all new to me. it was amazing! Feeling the way i felt, i swear i could literally feel everyone in their fast... i was deeply touched. It was almost tangible what i felt... i cant describe it in any fitting way, so i will leave that to the reader's imagination. this whole experience has taught me to value fasting much more than i originally had. its a process. I also had reinforced for me that God is already aware of my needs. He knows what i want. But its not enough for him simply to know. I have to know. I have to feel the need. And then, most importantly I have to ask. is this for God's benefit? Of course not. he wants to teach us these things. And he did a fine job teaching me. I have been so humbled to have all of you fast for me. it is truly sobering to know that that was the case. i felt both honored and undeserving. i neither ask for, nor accept help easily, especially when it comes to my own health. But I have been humbled by the support from my Family, Friends, and from my Heavenly Father. All in all, what is fasting? D&C 59:13-14 suggests that Fasting is JOY. i could not agree more. besides all of that day, i have had additional tests. so far nothing serious has been dianosed, and it looks as though nothing worse can come about. God Has heard and answered our prayers. He has Answered MY prayer. there is no more calming feeling than to start my evening prayer with great anxiety, and to close, having the spirit wisper "peace. Be still"