Loving My Enemies

Mitt Romney's running for presidency has dramatically increased the LDS church's publicity, for good and for bad. Fact. Some see it as a violation of the constitutional "separation of church and state" while others see it as a necessary means to judge His Character. Fact. All that aside though, I seem to always find the negative articles or comments posted by those who know little or nothing about the church, or who are out to get it. Either way, the comments are usually rude, assuming, and uninformed. Now, I'm not here to correct false ideas, although I'm happy to talk to anyone who is curious, and I'm not here to call those people out and mock them for their sometimes shocking ignorance. What I'm here to say, is that even though you have no idea how far reaching your comments are, even though you've insulted to a huge degree, many things that I hold Sacred, and even though you may hate me and/or my church, I forgive you. Are you asking for my forgiveness? No. Do you want it? Probably not. But to me, it's important that you know. Because a month ago there wasn't a snowball's chance in Hell that I would forgive you. 

I served a mission for this church. For 2 years, I put EVERYTHING on hold to go and serve my God, and my Fellow man. You may mock this all you want, but believe me when I tell you, there is not a more demanding yet rewarding experience out there, with the likely exception of marriage. However, after 2 years of devoted service, Teaching about Jesus Christ, and doing my best to follow Him myself, it made me a little upset when people who knew nothing of what I have experienced, treat, and talk about it with such disdain and lack of feeling. I understand that you don't agree with the teachings of this church. That's fine. More power to ya. I don't even mind if you voice your opinion. I'll defend your right to do so to my grave. But after I've given so much of me to the cause of virtue, and morality, and goodness, I found it hard to believe that someone who knows so little of the doctrines and beliefs that I have known since before I can remember, could ridicule them in such a feeling-less manner. Now, understand, I do not claim to be perfect. I'm nowhere near. Yes, I've wrongfully judged people before. Yes, I've completely missed the mark with whole groups of people- races and religions alike. I'm no better than anyone. But, having been the "victim" if you will, of some very severe and at best only partially true criticism, and knowing how it feels, I try to make sure that I am not the one offending something that others may hold sacred. 

You see, in reality, yes, it makes me angry when people insult things that I hold sacred. And it makes me angry when people post lies as facts. And I am constantly annoyed at the misrepresentation of my beliefs in the media, especially the news where reporters are paid to report ACCURATELY. And then I had this realization: I was doing EXACTLY what I had spent so long teaching people not to do. Holding a grudge, being angry, lashing out- all of it is completely against what I believe. So after some deep thinking and introspection, along with many prayers, I can honestly say, I hold no malice towards anybody. Whether you hate me or not. Whether you hate what i stand for, or not. Whether you couldn't care less, or not. I refuse to be someone who says one thing and does another. So however you'd like to label yourself- an enemy, a headache, a thorn in my side, a bystander, an acquaintance, a friend, or a family member- I love you. Because The Man- the GOD I claim to believe in, would have me love you. And so, even though it hasn't always been true, and even though I may yet fall short, I can in all honesty say, I love you. 

On True Love and Sacrifice

It has been my pleasure to have met, known, and loved Tiffany Higgins. Let me back up and though, and tell you about a tragically beautiful story that involves yours truly, and this amazing Woman.
Coming into this semester, I knew that i would be tested, tried, and that i would also receive help. I was reminded of the line in my patriarchal blessing which stated that i would be given guidance in the selection of an eternal companion. i came into this semester expecting to not really give anyone the time of day, and just focus on my studies. And then one day, probably the second day of Social Dance 280, we were instructed to cross the great divide and ask a young lady to dance. I had my eye on a girl, and as i was walking over to ask her, my gaze suddenly shifted to a different girl, who then drew my attention wholly, and i ended up asking her to dance. She was polite, and accepted the offer, and turned out to be a great dancer. i myself am nothing special, but i DO know a good dancer when i see one. She was a good dancer. After that class, I asked her if she wanted to go to latin night later that week, with me, and she consented. I got her number, and then began texting her. As it turned out, my plan fell through, as she remembered some plans previously made, which she had forgotten about. I didnt mind too much, it was an honest mistake, and hey i didnt really feel like getting my cha-cha on that night anyway. so then a whole week goes by, and i see her in class a few times, and decide that i really must get to know this girl. so That friday night, me and the roommates went to a party, which was really not that great, but i began texting tiffany. She was by herself, and wandering around campus. I went out to meet her, and we had a pleasant walk and talk around campus and close to where she lived, which as it turns out, wasnt far from where i lived. This first meeting turned into the beginning of something that i will never forget. I immediately, upon getting dropped off suggested that we do dinner the following night, Which she immediately accepted, to my utter satisfaction. I could hardly wait for church to get over the next day. I waited and waited. Granted, i shouldn't have been so eager for church to be over, but i was, and when i got home, and realized that there was still 2 hours before we were supposed to get together. I sent her a text, that said she could come now if she wanted, and she did. That night, we made spaghetti and garlic bread, and it was great. We finished the night with a walk, and a movie. From that night on, we have been together every day. It took only another few days for us to realize that we needed each other. I thought this was the beginning of something very good, and then she told me about her missionary. She had already been engaged once while he was gone, but had since broken it off, and after much prayer, decided that she needed to wait for this missionary to come home, and see what would happen. Somehow, I knew that I would never Be with tiffany permanently.
2 weeks into this relationship, we both realized, with some trepidation, that we were falling in love. For me, it was way too fast and hard, but in all honesty, i loved everything about her. And at this time, we both finally acknowledged it. We had no idea what to do. Now, i know this sounds like puppy love, or something else, but let me explain exactly what was going on. Those of you who have been, or are, truly in love, know that real love means that you're willing to do and sacrifice anything. ANYTHING for that significant other. Well that's what i felt. I knew that she would ultimately be happier with her missionary, and even though i knew that my heart would be ripped out and then placed in a blender, that was, and is, ok. Because she was going to be happy. sound crazy? Maybe. But for me, it was both scary, and liberating. So THIS is what love is supposed to feel like? Well, if this is what it's supposed to feel like, sign me up. I know i'm going to be hurt. And i know that i'll be devastated. But if i can feel like this all the time, I want it. I need it.
Now, words are cheap. I dont know how many times i've said this before to other girls. And while it was true to some extent, i knew that if it came right down to it, it, i really wouldn't do anything and everything to make me happy. There was always the "me" aspect of things. Why could i never mean it before? I dont know, but this time, i meant it for real. And she kind of scared me when she said, "I know." She indicated that so many guys had said that to her before, but she always knew they were lying, but when i said it, she said she could feel it, that it was real, that i meant it. I've heard it from a few girls myself, and i realized that there had been something missing those times. This time, when Tiffany said, "I love you, and I'll do anything for you." I knew she meant it. sincerity. it was real. And this is what it was like to be loved?! for real?! how did i ever live before? this incredible feeling of being truly loved, was almost more than i could stand. Will this really have to end? Really?
It does. Eventually, and probably sooner, rather than later, it'll end, and i'll have to find someone else. But why you ask? why not fight for her? because there's a plan. God answered my prayers, and he answered her prayers too. And she needs her missionary in the long run. So if i truly want to be happy, i have to let her go, right? Right. So, to be completely cliche, I'm letting her go because i Love her. But She'll remain my best friend. She has taught me so much, and i've changed so much. You know you're in love when you decide that you need change so that you're worthy of the person you're falling in love with. That happened to me. She never once has asked me to change. But i realized that there were lots of changes i needed to make, and i proceeded to make them. They say it takes 2 weeks to form a habit. I've done it. Twice. My mom always asks if gospel discussions happen ever. I love that about my mom. But it's true. I love talking about the Gospel, and its kinda weird when i can't talk about it with a girl i'm interested in. But in this case, it comes up frequently, and we talk about anything and everything. I love that we can have spiritual experiences and conversations together.
So what's the bottom line? The bottom line is this: I Fell in Love with an amazing woman who has taught me, inspired me, and helped me become who i want to be. But She needs someone else, and so, here i am, still with her, but ready to let her go so she can be happy. Does it hurt? Of course. Is it worth it? Definitely. I now have a standard. I know how love is supposed to work now. So now, i will never be able to settle for less. Thank you Tiffany, for teaching me how to love.

home and away.

well this has been a very interesting 2 weeks. I arrived home 2 weeks ago tomorrow. the last couple days of my mission were very emotional, and i really didnt know what to think or do with myself. saying goodbye to everyone was so hard. all my old companions and my companion that i had just trained... it was hard! but finally i pulled myself away from the chapel at transfer meeting, and left with the other departing missionaries. i was happy to be able to visit a family i had worked heavily with , and become very close with whilst in forest lake (my second area). we had a nice visit and then we had to book it back to the mission home so we could have our exit interviews. I had a pleasant visit with some the missionaries that I had known and loved my entire mission, and then got called in for my exit interview. It was a wonderful interview, and President Langeland spoke very frankly, and he gave me some great advice. After the interviews were over, we had a big dinner that included the office couple and the AP's. It was an AMAZING dinner! SO good! and then we sat around and talked for a bit, and then we all gathered downstairs for a testimony meeting. We went around the room, and i could feel the power coming from each elder has he bore his testimony, told a joke, or relived a favorite memory with another brother. When it came time for me, I stood up and was immediately overcome with emotion. This was not my original intake of elders, yet they all welcomed me in, never once judged me for "going home early" and they all just acted as if i was one of them. I expressed my gratitude to them for that, and they just shook their heads as if it was a given. My Testimony has grown so much, and I bore it to them as best I could through my tears. We ended that testimony meeting with "God Be With You 'Til We Meet Again." Its one of those songs that you think is so cliche your entire mission, and then you get to the end, and you mean every word of that Hymn to every brother standing in the room.
The rest of the night was spent getting all our stuff ready, making sure we weren't over the baggage weight, and then finally settling down in the basement, watching church movies, and finally falling asleep, though quite restlessly. When it was finally time to wake up, I rolled out of bed, and put my bedding away, and wandered upstairs for one last Australian breakfast. Crunchy Nut cereal with milk from a 3L bottle, that came from grain-fed cows. And toast. And then sister Langeland also made cinnamon rolls, so that part was actually pretty American, but none of us were complaining. After that, we had to get 17 missionaries through the shower, into their clothes, which was actually faster than expected.
Then, I got a call from the office, which was just telling me that my ecclesiastical endorsement had already gone through and I didn't need to worry about it. So that was a stress reliever. It had begun pouring rain just an hour before we were meant to leave, and didn't stop for us, so a tarp was purchased at Bunnings (something akin to Home Depot) and we got everything in the trailer, and the tarp fashioned just so that nothing could get wet. I had the good fortune of having all my stuff in the middle, so it didn't get wet. And with that, we were off to the airport to say goodbye to Australia, and Hello to the 13 hour plane ride home. It was a long plane ride. I watched Tangled. It was funny. Haha, anyway, so the real tension happened when we got into LA airport. I was told to take my stuff to the terminal, while everyone else got to re-check their bags right away. They were all going to Utah. So I lugged my stuff around until i finally found where i was supposed to check in, and the guys in front of me were being made to lighten their load, and pay an extra 30 bucks! i knew i was over the US weight limit, and i only had Australian money at that point. But as i got to the counter, the lady behind it, told me to put my stuff up, and i watched as the blinking numbers told her it was overweight, and not by just a little, and she just took off the scale, and put it on the conveyor belt, and handed me my boarding pass! I was shocked! The Lord takes care of his missionaries. So then I waited for another little while in my terminal, and then finally got on the little 747 that was going to take me home to Portland. This was where my nerves started to fall apart. I knew that as soon as i stepped off that air plane, that my mission was done. over. the thought was painful, and i wanted to make the plane stop, turn around, take me back to australia, but what about my family? Oh, how i missed them and loved them! yes, i would go home, just to see them again. that was worth it. but then i wanted to go right back out. no questions. Just as the plane was getting ready to land over this city that i loved, i realized something... i REALLY had to use the toilet! So I got off the plane, which was actually the first time i had ever disembarked straight onto the runway, and went straight to the toilet. i was very glad i took care of all that when i finally ascended those stairs. I kept following the signs, and eventually, I came out into the general Airport, and it seemed that all others from my flight had already come this way. But it seems that my family knew i was coming, no matter what, and there they were, so close, and yet so far away! I heard Anna Say it first- "Tayler!" Then everyone saw me. It all I could do to keep from breaking into a run, dropping everything, and getting over to them as quickly as possible. But I held onto my dignity and walked very quickly, up to them. THEN I dropped my stuff, and hugged my mom, and everyone, including the laptop that had Marissa and Cara on skype, and then Uncle craig and Aunt Helen and matthew. These were my people! i was HOME!!! i couldnt have been more happy. And then my mom asked if i wanted to go to Panda express. Then i realized i was so giddy, that i really had no desire for food whatsoever, so we went home. HOME!!! I remembered everything exactly how it was, outside, except Maui. She has gotten fat. Poor dog. I need to talk to Collin about putting her on a diet... anyway. I got the grand tour of the house, with all the new editions, and even had my own bed waiting, and made for me when i got downstairs, and to my delight, there she was. My drum set. oh, i would be whole again! and then i sat and talked to my family for the next couple hours, and then we finally did go out, and get My Panda Express. Talk about a party in my mouth! it was a great way to get ready for official release that came right after that. We drove to President campbell's home, where he invited me into his office, and talked to me for a bit, and then he told me to take my badge off. I went silent. It hurt more than i ever thought it could, and then, like a second dagger, he said, "the other one too" i hung my head, and reached inside my jacket, and took off the badge that was also on my shirt pocket. he then told me that i was formally released as a missionary for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It was liberating, as well as depressing. I felt the mantle being lifted off my shoulders, but I so desperately wanted it to come back. I realized then that a mission was, as a good friend of mine once said, just like a roller coaster. It was so fun! and you wish you could go again, but you dont, cause if you do, you'll throw up. Ok its not totally like that, but its kinda accurate. anyway, after that, we drove home, i make a phone call to a special girl, which made my day, and then spent the rest of that night talking and celebrating with my family. All this was done on March 30, 2011. it was quite literally the longest day of my life. i was awake for a total of 35 hours. and it was Still all one day. But what a GREAT day! I am so glad to be home now, and to be able move on to the next stage of my life. that is, life itself!

Baptism! March 20 letter

hello my family and my friends!
what a fast week this has been. sounds like everyone else had their share of interesting this week too. This has been a very unusual week. tuesday, we went down to our district leader's area for a trade-off and had a fun time with them. i ended up spending the day with the DL's comp and we pretty much tracted and did follow-up visits all day. it was fun. then we stayed the night there again, and got up at 2:30 am the next morning so we could be on time for our train at 4 that would take us down to brisbane where we were having zone conference/mission tour with Elder Hamula of the area presidency/seventy. it was so good. very insightful. he's very knowledgable. one of the things that i really liked that he said, that has applied to me on occasion, and to almost everyone, is "if you say, 'thats just how i am, i cant change' you are damning yourself." pretty strong language i know, but i think the missionaries needed to hear that, because after the meeting, everyone was like, "man, that smashed me..." so it was really good for the mission. then we spent all day traveling home, missed our dinner appointment by 2 hours, ended uip with the last yucks from k-fry, and went to sleep ASAP when we got home. it was a LONG day. but it was a good day too. then we spent most of friday getting ready for becky's baptism, since everyone else was gone to the youth temple trip, including Becky's daughter, Tarsh. so then saturday everything seemed to fall apart. except the baptism. but we had like 4 other appointments during the day, all of them cancelled, and i just sorta flipped out... i get so stressed around baptisms... there's so much to do, and it seems like everyone just turns their phones off or goes walkabout at just the time i need to talk to them. it is ever so frustrating. so needless to say, everyone just saying sorry, cant do it on saturday just pushed me over the edge... i just went and had a long talk to God, took a nap, squared my shoulders and went out again. we got emma to come to the baptism, and the baptism itself went well... besides the fact that Becky is deathly afraid of water going over her head, and the first time i baptized her, her elbow was still up... so doing it the second time, she was a little freaked out, but she went all the way under, and it went good. Emma really enjoyed it too. it was good. so then yesterday, we had church, and Emma AND Bill came. finally! Emma really enjoyed it, and Bill liked the gospel essentials class. it was good. and Elder Nai confirmed becky too! it was a good day. then we were able to have lessons with becky and bill and emma after church, and make it to our dinner appointment on time too. it was good. :D so now i'll just be working my tail off to make sure Elder Nai has people to teach when i go, and not leave him with nothing. so we'll see how it all goes. but thats pretty much been the week. its been good. and i'm out of time, so i'll talk to yous later!
love you all so much!
love,
Elder Tayler Christensen

March 13--Spring Ahead

hello my family and my friends!
im short on time this week, there were lots of emails, and i had to take that quiz thingy...[for BYUI] im glad everyone had a good week! mine was pretty good. found some new people, taught some lessons... sorta. we are teaching becky all the lessons again, but she's had them twice, plus the times when her daughter took them. so we've been having her teach us, which has been really good. all we do is make sure she understands everything, and we just fill in the gaps. its been good. one thing that sorta made my week, was that yesterday we had ward conference, and the stake president got up and talked about the missionaries in the gympie ward for like 5 minutes, and had nothing but praise for us both, as well as me specifically- i dont really know the stake president, but he must have talked to my zone leaders because he mentioned a few things that he could not have known just from our brief meetings... so that made my day/week. besides that we also had a bon fire for a ward activity, and we got Emma to come. not bill though, he had to work... it was kinda a bummer. but she really enjoyed it. i also made cookies because they had a priesthood bake-off... it was kinda funny. didnt win, but got "honorary" 1st place or something like that... :P anyway, thats pretty much the week. sorry this one is short.

ok i love you all!
love,
Elder Tayler Christensen

March Progress

hello my family and my friends!
well, this has been a very interesting week. it was pretty slow to begin with, but the last couple days were pretty hectic. it all started on thursday. we were a little late leaving the flat after lunch, and i was a little grumpy with myself for being slow, but as we said the prayer to leave the flat, i felt calm, and i was thinking about what order we would see people in, and the thought that we should go see the H.'s (less active family) first was strongly impressed on my mind. so we went there first. Good thing too. we go to visit them at work, because they live really far out of town. turned out sis. H. was on the verge of breaking down. she was over-exerting, and her daughter j. had recently been through a very traumatic experience, and was not handling it well. she asked us to come around on Saturday to give her a blessing, and we agreed. and then she just talked to us. i dont know what happened exactly, but it seems pretty intense. so we just helped her off-load and then we went and took care of out other errands. then we drove down to kawana waters (and hours drive), and stayed the night, and then elder Jensen (DL) and I went to the leadership training meeting. far out. i know why i was never in leadership. those leaders are intense, and they're like the best teachers ever. i got smashed by them! it was a little scary how inadequate i was feeling. it was a good introspection opportunity though and i have made several goals for myself to achieve before the end of my mission. so that was good. then it took us 3.5 hours to get back to kawana waters from brisbane, because we had to pick up bikes for me, cause gympie doesnt have any, and then crutches for another missionary in the district, and then it was pouring rain, and peak traffic. it was yuck. it should only have taken us an hour to get back. we ended up having to cancel our appointments before 6, and then i got to drive for an hour in more peak traffic, with heavy rain, and a trailer with bikes in it. that was fun. that was friday. then saturday we did our weekly planning, and went and gave the blessing to j.. it was kinda a cool experience. i got to be voice, and i was praying hard to be the mouthpiece of God for j., and i felt the spirit so strongly while i gave the blessing. i felt kinda like how Richard explained it to me- i could FEEL what God wanted me to say, but then i had to put it into words. that was the first time that i really felt that. it was really cool, and they were all very grateful. so i set them up with the bishop and a few other people that they trust in the ward, to really get the ball rolling to help j., and the family recover. so i felt very helpful. then that night, we had dinner with b.. it was such a good visit. if you remember i told yous about her when i first got to gympie- she's the one with multiple personalities (17) and who pretty much is a dry mormon. we've been trying to help her decide to get baptized for ages. like over 6 months. so finally after dinner, on our way out, she gave a tie to elder Nai (i already have one from her) and told him he had to wear it in 2 weeks, and that i did too. she'd been going on about what she was going to do in 2 weeks all night, and i had just thought it had something to do with me going home or something, but we finally asked what she was going to do in 2 weeks, and she said "i dont want to go through any more missionaries." at first i thought she was dropping us, and then i realized what she meant as she said,"so i'm getting baptized in 2 weeks. the 19th." i was in shock. i was totally speechless. i had NOT been expecting that. so that was pretty sweet. she was like, i need 2 weeks, because i'll have both kids with me in 2 weeks, and i have to stop smoking for 7 days, so i have some medication and the 15 step program, and i'm going to do them. and then she pulled out her own copy of preach my gospel, told us she read the whole thing, and then told us that she would be able to answer all the interview questions. shock again. i think i might actually hit my 4 baptisms goal. we have a few other people lined up, that we just need to commit. hopefully it goes well. i'm way excited. so that was pretty much the week.

anyway, times up, gotta go. i love you all so much! have a good week!
Love,
Elder Tayler Christensen

ps- mum, thanks for taking care of college stuff, its really taken a load off of me. really appreciate it. love you!

Good bye February

hello family and friends!
well this week has been a good week. we were able to get a lot of work done, and are starting to move forward with a few people. it has been a good work week though. first off, i'm sure you're all wondering about the baptism. well. we had a lesson with Edward this last week on wednesday, and it went really well. we just went over the rest of the commandments, the baptismal interview questions, and then made a baptism program. he asked me to baptize him :D. so i did. the baptism was on saturday at one o'clock, and it was a very spiritual experience. i enjoyed it, and when edward and i were changing he kept saying how happy and light he felt. then, that morning i was trying to decide which video to show while we were getting changed, and remembered the John tanner story on the new D&C DVD. so we watched that and Edward and I walked in with enough of it left to figure out what was going on and be there for the real tear jerking part. the spirit was so strong and there was not a dry eye in the meeting. it was so good. i'm excited to keep working. and Elder N. is progressing very quickly. i was so scared i would run into some pride issues with him, but he's been very humble, and has the attitude of obedience, and learning. so i've really enjoyed that. it sounds like everyone else had a good week too! Anna, what a great experience that workshop. i'm sure that will have an impact on the rest of your life. you asked how to be a good missionary. i think you were talking about study... well the best way to study missionary work is to just look for all the missionary everything in the scriptures, and then when you read Preach My Gospel, its good to know the lessons, but since you probably wont be teaching full lessons, chapter 1 and 2 are the best, where you study your purpose as a missionary and then study how to study. those are good chapters. those are the only ones new missionaries are allowed to read for the first 3 months in the ABM [Australia Brisbane Mission] as well. so that would be a good start. I'm sure Dad and BJ and Richard could give you some good suggestions as well. Anyway, times up, i've got to go. i love you all so much! have a good week.
Love,
Elder Tayler Christensen