A Brother on a Mission: The older brother's wrestle to accept it

It wasn't so long ago that I left on my mission. I was eager to go. I thought leaving my family for two years would be harder, but the tears were short-lived, and easily outnumbered by the tears I shed when I had to come back home. I had a hard time understanding why people would say "I can't wait for you to come back home!" It was almost insulting. I loved being a missionary. Loved it. Why would anyone want to take that away from me?
I get it now. My little brother Collin just left on his mission a couple weeks ago. Collin and I are the closest of friends. I love that kid. He's an inspiration to me, and is already far ahead of where I was at the same point on my mission. He'd never allow that comment to stand, insisting that he feels like he hasn't moved anywhere accept to Mexico, but that's precisely why he's so far ahead. The kid is humble.
Anyway, I was saying that I understand where people were coming from when they wanted me to come home. I hope the next two years go by quickly. I don't hope for him to come home early, but I hope the next two years go by quickly for me, and slow enough for him. Its hard to wish that. It would be so easy to wish He could just come home tomorrow. And what if I want to talk to him right now? This minute? Tough. he sent his email today, and there won't be another one until next week. and maybe he'll respond to you next week, because he didn't have time to today. Maybe. Is this what he was going through while I was on MY mission?! Respect just went up. It is HARD. Now that he's out, I want to talk to him all the time. Its funny how when you lose something, you realize just how much you relied on it.
Collin is my only brother. I love all my siblings, but there is a special bond between brothers. I assume there's a similar bond between sisters, but having never been one, I can't speak to that. Anyway. The bond of brothers runs deep. Both of us have injured the other. Physically, mentally, emotionally. It happened. But we grew from it. That time when he punched me in the face? I deserved it. We laugh about it now. That one time when I accidentally threw him right into the bed frame and his head took the brunt of it? Oops... No (real) damage done, and yes, we laugh about it now. And we did all those other weird/gross things that only boys can think are funny, and they really were hilarious. At the time. Probably. But we also were able to speak about deep things, spiritual things, embarrassing things, emotional things. Believe it or not, we got emotional around each other, and it was ok. I know things about him that no one else knows, and vice versa. And we both know it will stay that way (no need to worry Mom and Dad- they're basically all just embarrassing things :P).
I watched him move from being unsure of his testimony and who he was and what he was supposed to do, to knowing, with fervent zeal that he is a son of God, that he was called to serve him, and that we would do just that- with all his heart, might, mind, and strength. He prepared like I've never seen any one prepare, and that kid entered the Mexico MTC an Elder, prepared from the beginning and endowed with power from on high to preach the word of God and be the instrument through which God will restore many of His children to the knowledge of their savior and their divine potential. What an amazing gift!
I have always loved and bragged all over my brother, but I have never been more proud of him. He is a man. He has "put away childish things" if you will. He has put everything on hold for two years, and yes, that includes me. That includes our Mom. That includes his music, his school, his friends. All on hold. And is it worth it? Of course. Of course it is.
God Speed brother. May God lift you when you fall, and strengthen you when you are weak, speak through your mouth to his children, and work with your hands to serve them. I know He will.
And to all you who are still reading and watched this take a turn for the personal and sentimental, deal with it. I love my brother.
To all the other brothers out there who are missing their brothers on missions, whether they be brothers by blood or brothers by bond, don't take this time for granted. Don't wish your brothers home soon. Encourage them to keep going, and to lose themselves in the work. That's what they need. They need to hear it from you. They expect to hear it from their Moms and Dads. But they need to hear it from you. Write to them regularly so that they know that they still matter to you, and that you are praying for them. Let them know that you want them to succeed. Do not tell them how many days/weeks/months they have left. Most of all, tell them you love them, and that you look up to them, and that you are glad that they are there, and not at home. They need to know that YOU know that they are exactly where they are supposed to be. The support of a brother is powerful. Few things are more powerful. Be free with your support, and give it all, and they will teach and preach with power. This I know. Because it is what happened to me. Now I hope to  be the same for him, as he was for me.

Oldies but Goodies: Why the "A.T. 40" Sucks

This last week, I yet again got fed up with "America's Top 40". I don't know why, but I can only take it in small doses. If it get it in large doses my brain starts to shrivel up, and I start to get less smart, so I try not to OD.

I have a tedious desk job that requires me to stare at the computer screen the whole time. Naturally, I and my co-workers turn to online radio stations or other music streaming players to keep ourselves from going insane. I listen to the "Top 40" stuff on occasion, but it always ends up numbing my brain, and I have to find something a little more... stimulating. I almost always turn to "old" music, which usually means classic rock of the 70's and 80's. Mostly the 80's. Those usually get me back into my groove, and I don't feel like I'm going to turn into a vegetable.

Anyway, this last week, I saw a commercial on TV with the background music being "Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Daughter." I remembered hearing it when I was younger and was somewhat pleased that it was on a modern commercial. I have no idea what the commercial for. So the other day, I was in my familiar trance from the repetitive beats and 4-note songs of the "A.T. 40" I needed something else to listen to, and didn't feel like listening Led Zeppelin, or Black Sabbath, or Styx, or Bon Jovi. And then this song popped into my head. "Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Daughter." I had heard it a lot when I was just a young one, because my siblings and I weren't allowed to listen to the "A.T. 40," and now I know why. Its not necessarily that it's bad music (though often it is), its that it requires very little talent, and numbs your brain. Anyway, I turned on Spotify, and searched for it, and found a playlist of 60's music. I listened to my original search, and then kept listening to the playlist. At first, I didn't really think anything of it, because I didn't know the songs that came after it, but then this song played:


It may not sound like it's a smash hit, but of all the songs from my childhood that I heard, this song is the one that sticks in my memory most. We would sing it in the car and at home, and would hum it. Even more recently, I have caught myself humming it. I loved, and still love this song. I still don't know if the guy is talking about a person, or the actual wind, and that's part of why I like it so much. It makes you think. Good music, that is, REALLY good music will stimulate your mind, and get you thinking. For me, it got me thinking about my earlier years, the road trips where my siblings and I would sing in the car and very likely drive our parents crazy, and just dancing like crazy people to any upbeat song that came on the radio, or that our parents would play on our top-of-the-line tape deck/turntable. I miss those days. I miss when music was decent, even what was then the Top 40, and that didn't really need to be filtered, or turned off around small children. I miss when my dad would turn on the radio in his truck with just me in there with him, and he would tell me that "this" is rock 'n roll. And he wasn't ashamed to like it, and didn't need to worry that it would corrupt my impressionable mind. Why can't we have music like that anymore? There is music that I like today, that I would not get caught dead sharing with my 4-year-old son. I would be ashamed that I even like it. We need more music like this:



This blog doesn't get out to many people, but if it somehow gets to any artists out there, or people who want to write to music, I challenge you to write music that is catchy, clean, and cranial. Make us think, stimulate our minds, not just our bodies. Its great to have stuff to work out to, but there's a serious lack of stuff that will get my foot tapping, and keep my mind active too. I know I'm not the only one who thinks this way. Our generation is not happy with the music that we have produced. We crave better music, with better lyrics, and more talent involved. Show me an artist who can do this, and I'll show you an artist who will enjoy success to the fullest.

Don't Go to Bed Angry

My wife and I went to bed at 1 am the other night. There is nothing particularly odd about this, but we hadn't said anything to each other since about midnight. The reasons were your everyday marital stresses- we were a bit grumpy, we said rude things, and we both chose to take offense. I say "chose" because had the same words been spoken earlier or when even only one of us was in a better mood, we would have easily avoided giving each other the silent treatment.

Anyway, that night, we went to bed an turned out the light without saying goodnight, I love you, or kissing goodnight. We didn't even face each other. I even laid on the side that I cannot fall asleep on, and which happened that day to be the side that irritated the painfully pinched nerve in my neck. I did that because I was mad, and for once I was going to make my wife apologize first. A story my mom told me right before I got married came to mind right about the time my neck really started hurting. She and my dad had been married for a short time when they had an argument. It followed about the same pattern as my own just had. That night, my dad went right to sleep, but my mom could not get there even though she was exhausted. She tossed and turned for hours until she finally woke my dad up and apologized to him. She then slipped off quite easily. Well, I didn't much of this, and convinced myself that this wouldn't happen to me. However, anyone that knows my mom and I, can attest that most of my personality genes came from her. After tossing an turning until about 2:30, I quietly asked my wife if she was awake. No answer. I asked again, a little more intently this time. No answer. My pride still forbade me from waking her, so I concentrated on going to sleep. The problem with concentrating on anything when trying to go to sleep, is that you cannot go to sleep. After a time, though, I managed to slip off into a fitful sleep where my dreams left me panting and waking up in a sweat. Needless to say I got no actual rest. It was at this point, at about 4:30 that my pride had finally been kicked hard enough that it would let me do what I so desperately needed to do. I woke up my wife, apologized and asked for her forgiveness. She promptly and frankly forgave me, and immediately returned the apology, which I immediately accepted and forgave. I fell asleep almost instantly into a beautiful dreamless sleep. I learned once that the human sleep cycle ought to occur twice in an 8 hour period for a person to feel totally rested. I got through maybe one. So I was still exhausted the next day. A hard price to pay when my job involves staring at a computer screen and fixing little details. However, I learned much from this exercise. Aside from the well known, "don't go to bed mad" lesson, I learned why, and honestly, it has little to so with sleep. It has everything to do with your pride, and where it belongs in your marriage. That is, it doesn't belong there at all. Also, being happy or at least content does wonders for your mental and physical health, and so allowing little things to fester and become huge things is actually bad for your health.

A Conservative Rant

Ok, I know that there are a lot of people out there right now that either dont care or dont know what is going on with the fiscal cliff, and gun control and whatnot. I'm not an expert, i'm just going off of my own research and what I'm seeing in the news (as well as what I'm NOT seeing in the news). First of all, how the HECK is raising taxes AND spending going to help the economy? how is raising spending going to help, mostly? I mean, it's one thing to give people a raise when they deserve it, and when the economy can support it, but really, Mr. President, you're giving raises to people who have driven this economy into the ground, and expect it to get better? Really? I dont actually know enough about the Fiscal Cliff to tell you whats going on there, but if the plan you're making is going to eventually throw us off of it, Imma not be happy!
Ok and gun control. What is wrong with the media?! There's this thing called accurate reporting, and you're not doing it! Yeah there's a heap of stories of people shooting other people and it's terrible, but you dont cover ANY events where people carrying guns actually stop BAD people carrying guns from doing any damage! That happens just as often. But no, the Media has an agenda, and so all you hear about are the tragedies cause by "guns." And can we PLEASE get something straight? People Kill People. Guns, knives, clubs, brass knuckles, and the like are simply weapons of choice. They cannon inherently kill anything. They require a PERSON to pull the trigger, thrust them at someone, and so on. And are you people who say we need more gun control blind to whats going on? Only the honest people who would NEVER kill anyone will follow the laws. I mean look at Chicago- completely "disarmed" and yet they have more homicides with a firearm than ever. If you think that making laws will prevent shootings from happening, think again. Plus, look at Switzerland. They issue EVERY 18-year-old a gun, and train them how to use them. Gun-related crimes? Almost none. LOGIC, people.
Ok, thats the rant. Comment if you like, just know that I'm not really trying to start an argument or even a discussion.

Mom and Pop PR

Marketing and PR made Easy

Lots of people with small businesses have trouble competing with the big fish. The big fish can hire other people to do their marketing and PR for them. So these small business take what they can get. It doesn't have to be like that though. Small businesses can have powerful influences and large followings that will have them working overtime. The secret is getting over the old rules of marketing and PR. My PR class has been studying The New Rules of Marketing and PR by David Meerman Scott. The result of this study is the the making of four videos that will teach all of you who want a larger influence, how to use social media and the internet in general to build your following without spending any money, and by using your knowledge of your profession to attract an audience. The goals of these videos is to make it easy for businesses to start doing the basics, and show those who are new to social media how to start.

Mom and Pop PR

The official Blog for Mom and Pop PR will continue to have updates, so please subscribe there and feel free to ask any questions!

Tribute to My Dad

Tribute to Dad

There are few pleasures in life greater than being son,

When his father has taught him how to work straight,

And not quit, ‘til the job was done.

When son crashed and scraped his knees and face,  

Father rushed to his aid,

“It’s ok to fall, if you stand up- stand up and take yourplace.”

When son rebelled, and thought he knew what was best,

Father came in his time of need to help him pass histest,

And though he did not bail his boy out,

His love and counsel were enough,

To remind the boy that it wasn’t too late to forsake, andchange his route.   

When the time came for the boy to leave and serve theLord,

Father’s tears broke the boy’s heart,

But his embrace gave him the strength to go, go andpreach the word.

When the boy married to be with the woman of his dreams,

His father counseled him best when he said,

“Love her every day, every day make sure she beams.”

Father’s responsibility to raise me to manhood now is all but done,

But to this day I am honored above all

When people say, “you are your father’s son!”

I'd love to say that I spent days and weeks writing this poem for my dad. He deserves at least that much work for something like this. However, I'm happy to say that in the hour it took me to write this, I was reminded of each spotlighted incident very poignantly, to the point of tears, as if I was not the one who actually wrote this poem. The idea to write it, and the memories that influenced it's production came from a power beyond me that knew that to me, a simple phone call would not be enough to give my dad the honor and the gratitude that he deserves. I love you dad!

Me Mudder

There were a lot of awesome posts on sunday about awesome Moms, and several people in church praised their mothers' amazing qualities. I must say, to be fair, that every mother is amazing, just for being a mother. However, I hope all you mothers out there wont be offended when I say that MY mother takes the cake. She's the best, hands down. I heard stories from various people that had it hard with their mothers but still respected them, some who didn't really have a relationship with their moms for a long time and then later in life became close to them, and still others who felt that their mom was the greatest woman ever to walk the planet. I have to say I put myself with the third group. My Mom is the best. She raised six kids, 4 girls and 2 boys. She managed this without going crazy. She managed this without making an enemy of any of us. I dont think any of us could ever say "my mom and i dont really get along." Mom has always been there for me whenever i needed her, whether i deserved her help or not. there were several late-night projects that only got done because she helped. Mom always encouraged me, and all of us to be our best, and get better at whatever we did. She pushed us to develop our talents. Mom fulfills all of her motherly responsibilities. On top of all this, she directs 4- count them- FOUR community choirs. Thats not all though, no, not even close. She also started all these choirs, who each have a specific age group in them, and then she started a non-profit organization called the Voices for the Performing Arts, and has recently added a strings program to this organization. Her concerts are huge, and she writes the scripts for each, and directs the set make, and even decides what kind of lighting she wants. You'd think that anyone who stretched themselves that thin would be irritable and stressed and tired all the time. Not mom. Everyone loves her. I dont know a single person who knows her, and doesn't love her. My mom has a capacity to love that is just so rare among humanity. Even when i fell hard, as result of open rebellion to everything she had taught me, she was still there to pick me up, and help me heal. She has given great advice, and helped me make important decisions that have made all the difference. Mom isn't too good for anyone. She loves everyone. No one is below her. She lifts everyone to where she is. She manages to see the good in everyone. Mom is intelligent. She figures things out for herself whenever she can, but isn't to prideful to ask for help. I could keep going, but I think this is sufficient for now, I dont want to brag TOO much. I love you mom. You're the best.

Marriage- A Love Story

One could say that I've experienced my share of miracles. Most of them have been an adventure for me, whether it was falling off a cliff and suffering nothing more that some minor shock, or serving a mission which led to my open heart surgery, which ended up saving my life, or the mission itself which changed me forever. However, the most miraculous event of my life happened a month and a half ago, when I married my best friend, Heather.
Many people would call it a cliche story, seeing as we only started dating 5 months ago. You can use all your "BYU-I do" jokes you want, or tell me it was too fast, or I or She is too young, or whatever, but after experiencing what I have experienced, it doesn't bother me.
Heather and I met kind of accidentally. We had a mutual friend, who introduced us kind of without trying to. We were all going to a dance party, and there was a big group of us going. The only problem with that was that we only had a 5-seater car. So we all crammed in to that car, and as it turns out, Heather ended up on my lap in the back of this car. We had never met, and we both recognized the awkwardness of the situation. We didn't speak. At all. Not for the whole night. In fact, I started dating someone else, and she took interest in someone else as well. One would think that we had missed our chance. I didn't even know that one had existed. Neither did she really. Apparently, we ran into each other a few more times, where she noticed me, but I was preoccupied with other things (clueless guy).
Anyway, the girl I was dating at that time had her missionary came home, and after a rude awakening that she was not mine, and confirmation that she belonged to someone else, and that there was indeed some else out there for me, we ended our relationship while keeping the friendship alive and well. I thought that  it would be a long time before I could let myself get back into the game. I was hurt and I had no idea how the healing would come. However, God's timing is hard to argue with, and at my request, and probably His intent anyway, the healing came only days later, and I was ok again, and even ready to move on. It was at this time that I started looking at the mutual friend of me and Heather's. I had no idea where to start, so I started close. However, it became very apparent that she was not interested, and at this same time, Heather had lost her previous interests in the another guy, and again noticed me.
Little did I know, she was gathering lots of information about me from our mutual friends, and facebook. One night, I was bored, and needed to get out, so I called up my friend and asked if she wanted to go on a drive. She came with another friend, and Heather. There was again strict silence between Heather and I, but apparently, in my sleep-deprived state, she saw something attractive. I have to admit, I thought she was cute, but I adhered to the common stereotype of freshman girls- which more or less was, avoid them.
However, that night, she decided to add me as a friend on facebook. I accepted, although in all honesty, I really knew nothing about her.
The next day I learned that she liked me, and thats when everything changed. It intrigued me. This girl that I knew nothing about, besides the fact that she looked like she was really fun, liked me. So that night, I started a nonchalant conversation on facebook. I started asking your normal questions, and eventually, I indirectly pulled it out of her that she liked me. I left it at that, and after some facebook stalking of my own, decided I was interested in her. I didnt really know if it would go anywhere, but at this point, I had nothing to lose. I soon found out however, that this was the best decision of my life. As we started spending time together, it was very easy to like Heather, and to talk to her.
It had only been about a week since we started talking, when i found myself doing homework, and prompted to ask her to be my girlfriend. My logic and defense systems all said heck no, its way too early for that, but the prompting kept coming. And it wouldn't go away! I could not focus on my homework. The assignment should have taken me 20 minutes. It ended up taking 2 hours. So finally, I gave in, and the next night, I asked her out. She was hesitant. She knew that i was looking for a serious relationship that preferably led to marriage. She said yes eventually, after I convinced her that I wasn't crazy, just over being single. It didn't take long until we were together every day, for as long as possible. I was happy with the relationship, and as the end of the semester quickly approached, I started wondering what would happen when we left, since we wouldn't be back for another 4 months. 2 days before the end of the semester, i woke up with the impression that i ought to mention marriage to her. The idea was laughable to me. But the impression was strong and persistent. So she came over that morning, and as we talked, I very carefully brought it up. She looked at me with what i just knew was the "are you crazy?!" face. But she surprised me when she indicated that she felt the same. After comparing notes, we found that we had both received the same inspiration at the same time. That morning.
We didn't really know how to go about making this happen, and kept this information to ourselves at the time. However, two weeks later when she came to visit my family, it became obvious that we needed to do it sooner rather than later, and it wasn't long until we both received confirmation that we should indeed get married. So we decided on a date, which just happened to be March 30, 2012. Exactly 1 year to the day from the day i got home from my mission.
The proposal supposed to be a surprise, coming earlier than i told her it would, but she caught wind of it, and was only mildly surprised. But it was pretty cool, so I'm gonna tell you about it. :) The ring is actually her mom's, so I didn't have to buy one, but I found out what her birth stone was, (topaz) and her favorite color is pink, so i found a pink topaz pendant. I proceeded to get the ring without her knowing, and bought the pendant. when she came to visit, i woke her up early and we watched a sunrise. We ate a big breakfast, then later went to lunch in town, and then came back and i took her on a tour of my family's property, and took her to my favorite spot. Here, i gave her the pendant. Then that night, we went on a formal date. We ate dinner at a restaurant that looked out on a board walk around a lake, and afterwards we walked around the lake, until we found a bench where we sat down, and it was here that i told her i was about to do something crazy- and then i knelt down, and asked her to marry me. She accepted, and from that point on, we planned the wedding. it was the longest 2 months of my life. However, we got closer over this period, and learned a lot about each other while we waited. The day finally came however, and we were married for time and all eternity in the Columbia River LDS Temple.
Now, we are back in rexburg, and we have 3 classes together, and we're happier than ever! :)

Loving My Enemies

Mitt Romney's running for presidency has dramatically increased the LDS church's publicity, for good and for bad. Fact. Some see it as a violation of the constitutional "separation of church and state" while others see it as a necessary means to judge His Character. Fact. All that aside though, I seem to always find the negative articles or comments posted by those who know little or nothing about the church, or who are out to get it. Either way, the comments are usually rude, assuming, and uninformed. Now, I'm not here to correct false ideas, although I'm happy to talk to anyone who is curious, and I'm not here to call those people out and mock them for their sometimes shocking ignorance. What I'm here to say, is that even though you have no idea how far reaching your comments are, even though you've insulted to a huge degree, many things that I hold Sacred, and even though you may hate me and/or my church, I forgive you. Are you asking for my forgiveness? No. Do you want it? Probably not. But to me, it's important that you know. Because a month ago there wasn't a snowball's chance in Hell that I would forgive you. 

I served a mission for this church. For 2 years, I put EVERYTHING on hold to go and serve my God, and my Fellow man. You may mock this all you want, but believe me when I tell you, there is not a more demanding yet rewarding experience out there, with the likely exception of marriage. However, after 2 years of devoted service, Teaching about Jesus Christ, and doing my best to follow Him myself, it made me a little upset when people who knew nothing of what I have experienced, treat, and talk about it with such disdain and lack of feeling. I understand that you don't agree with the teachings of this church. That's fine. More power to ya. I don't even mind if you voice your opinion. I'll defend your right to do so to my grave. But after I've given so much of me to the cause of virtue, and morality, and goodness, I found it hard to believe that someone who knows so little of the doctrines and beliefs that I have known since before I can remember, could ridicule them in such a feeling-less manner. Now, understand, I do not claim to be perfect. I'm nowhere near. Yes, I've wrongfully judged people before. Yes, I've completely missed the mark with whole groups of people- races and religions alike. I'm no better than anyone. But, having been the "victim" if you will, of some very severe and at best only partially true criticism, and knowing how it feels, I try to make sure that I am not the one offending something that others may hold sacred. 

You see, in reality, yes, it makes me angry when people insult things that I hold sacred. And it makes me angry when people post lies as facts. And I am constantly annoyed at the misrepresentation of my beliefs in the media, especially the news where reporters are paid to report ACCURATELY. And then I had this realization: I was doing EXACTLY what I had spent so long teaching people not to do. Holding a grudge, being angry, lashing out- all of it is completely against what I believe. So after some deep thinking and introspection, along with many prayers, I can honestly say, I hold no malice towards anybody. Whether you hate me or not. Whether you hate what i stand for, or not. Whether you couldn't care less, or not. I refuse to be someone who says one thing and does another. So however you'd like to label yourself- an enemy, a headache, a thorn in my side, a bystander, an acquaintance, a friend, or a family member- I love you. Because The Man- the GOD I claim to believe in, would have me love you. And so, even though it hasn't always been true, and even though I may yet fall short, I can in all honesty say, I love you. 

On True Love and Sacrifice

It has been my pleasure to have met, known, and loved Tiffany Higgins. Let me back up and though, and tell you about a tragically beautiful story that involves yours truly, and this amazing Woman.
Coming into this semester, I knew that i would be tested, tried, and that i would also receive help. I was reminded of the line in my patriarchal blessing which stated that i would be given guidance in the selection of an eternal companion. i came into this semester expecting to not really give anyone the time of day, and just focus on my studies. And then one day, probably the second day of Social Dance 280, we were instructed to cross the great divide and ask a young lady to dance. I had my eye on a girl, and as i was walking over to ask her, my gaze suddenly shifted to a different girl, who then drew my attention wholly, and i ended up asking her to dance. She was polite, and accepted the offer, and turned out to be a great dancer. i myself am nothing special, but i DO know a good dancer when i see one. She was a good dancer. After that class, I asked her if she wanted to go to latin night later that week, with me, and she consented. I got her number, and then began texting her. As it turned out, my plan fell through, as she remembered some plans previously made, which she had forgotten about. I didnt mind too much, it was an honest mistake, and hey i didnt really feel like getting my cha-cha on that night anyway. so then a whole week goes by, and i see her in class a few times, and decide that i really must get to know this girl. so That friday night, me and the roommates went to a party, which was really not that great, but i began texting tiffany. She was by herself, and wandering around campus. I went out to meet her, and we had a pleasant walk and talk around campus and close to where she lived, which as it turns out, wasnt far from where i lived. This first meeting turned into the beginning of something that i will never forget. I immediately, upon getting dropped off suggested that we do dinner the following night, Which she immediately accepted, to my utter satisfaction. I could hardly wait for church to get over the next day. I waited and waited. Granted, i shouldn't have been so eager for church to be over, but i was, and when i got home, and realized that there was still 2 hours before we were supposed to get together. I sent her a text, that said she could come now if she wanted, and she did. That night, we made spaghetti and garlic bread, and it was great. We finished the night with a walk, and a movie. From that night on, we have been together every day. It took only another few days for us to realize that we needed each other. I thought this was the beginning of something very good, and then she told me about her missionary. She had already been engaged once while he was gone, but had since broken it off, and after much prayer, decided that she needed to wait for this missionary to come home, and see what would happen. Somehow, I knew that I would never Be with tiffany permanently.
2 weeks into this relationship, we both realized, with some trepidation, that we were falling in love. For me, it was way too fast and hard, but in all honesty, i loved everything about her. And at this time, we both finally acknowledged it. We had no idea what to do. Now, i know this sounds like puppy love, or something else, but let me explain exactly what was going on. Those of you who have been, or are, truly in love, know that real love means that you're willing to do and sacrifice anything. ANYTHING for that significant other. Well that's what i felt. I knew that she would ultimately be happier with her missionary, and even though i knew that my heart would be ripped out and then placed in a blender, that was, and is, ok. Because she was going to be happy. sound crazy? Maybe. But for me, it was both scary, and liberating. So THIS is what love is supposed to feel like? Well, if this is what it's supposed to feel like, sign me up. I know i'm going to be hurt. And i know that i'll be devastated. But if i can feel like this all the time, I want it. I need it.
Now, words are cheap. I dont know how many times i've said this before to other girls. And while it was true to some extent, i knew that if it came right down to it, it, i really wouldn't do anything and everything to make me happy. There was always the "me" aspect of things. Why could i never mean it before? I dont know, but this time, i meant it for real. And she kind of scared me when she said, "I know." She indicated that so many guys had said that to her before, but she always knew they were lying, but when i said it, she said she could feel it, that it was real, that i meant it. I've heard it from a few girls myself, and i realized that there had been something missing those times. This time, when Tiffany said, "I love you, and I'll do anything for you." I knew she meant it. sincerity. it was real. And this is what it was like to be loved?! for real?! how did i ever live before? this incredible feeling of being truly loved, was almost more than i could stand. Will this really have to end? Really?
It does. Eventually, and probably sooner, rather than later, it'll end, and i'll have to find someone else. But why you ask? why not fight for her? because there's a plan. God answered my prayers, and he answered her prayers too. And she needs her missionary in the long run. So if i truly want to be happy, i have to let her go, right? Right. So, to be completely cliche, I'm letting her go because i Love her. But She'll remain my best friend. She has taught me so much, and i've changed so much. You know you're in love when you decide that you need change so that you're worthy of the person you're falling in love with. That happened to me. She never once has asked me to change. But i realized that there were lots of changes i needed to make, and i proceeded to make them. They say it takes 2 weeks to form a habit. I've done it. Twice. My mom always asks if gospel discussions happen ever. I love that about my mom. But it's true. I love talking about the Gospel, and its kinda weird when i can't talk about it with a girl i'm interested in. But in this case, it comes up frequently, and we talk about anything and everything. I love that we can have spiritual experiences and conversations together.
So what's the bottom line? The bottom line is this: I Fell in Love with an amazing woman who has taught me, inspired me, and helped me become who i want to be. But She needs someone else, and so, here i am, still with her, but ready to let her go so she can be happy. Does it hurt? Of course. Is it worth it? Definitely. I now have a standard. I know how love is supposed to work now. So now, i will never be able to settle for less. Thank you Tiffany, for teaching me how to love.